?

Log in

No account? Create an account
 

tHiS iS Me...

About Recent Entries

u like who?.... Oct. 5th, 2005 @ 09:40 pm
CRACK.... that's the sound of my heart just breaking??? why can't I be pretty like her.... why can't I be girly like her, why can't I be cool like her so u would... think of me like u think of her. LIFE SUCKS!!! Right before I was about to let u know... u let me know...
*~* I'm fEeLiNg...: crushedcrushed
*+*~CuRrEnT JaM*+*~: I'm not okay(i promise)

cRaP... Sep. 1st, 2005 @ 09:03 pm

Tell me... when did we stop being friends, when did we decide to leave it like that just to break my heart. Tell me, why did you do it? why did you kiss me and did not let me stop, is it so hard for you, to not let your hormones get in the way, and then just break my heart with your sweet words and your warm hugs, if you did not like me why did you lead me on? just cuz you wanted a part of me you tore me apart?

Anyways... it's just a stupid poem... you know? sometimes you see lizzy , and you see her very happy, and very flirty, and very good, but then you come here, and you see her breaking apart. It's very sad, I've wanted to dedicate a moment to myself, and you just never realize that it's impossible. Today I am going to dedicate one minute to my feeling, to finding myself. Very little people know how to appreciate when a person opens their heart, and the only thing they do is criticize.

I have not much to say about my life right now, it's hanging from a string, I have no idea what's going to happen. At times I feel that everything is going to turn out and I take it easy and I don't worry about it, but then the desperation breaks in and it just makes me really sad. For a whole year I have been dealing with my depression disorder, and I am glad I finally got over it, I think that for good I know how to control it, even though sometimes I feel like cutting, I get over it and now I can manage to get out of the hole. I feel like for the first time i am really appreciating what I have and I know what's happening and I can control what I feel... except this one little thing, which I am working on...

Whenever I was in Houston, I had a great time with one very special person, and I was like,,, this is the kinda feeling I want to have, this is the kinda place I want it to have it at, I want to have my future here, I PROMISE myself that I wasn't going to fall in love with anyone in Mexico, not even like anyone, and I made myself so many promises, and I try to remember them, and most of them I am following them, but there's that first one that I feel it's about to break... HE, came, and I had gotten over him, I was feeling that I liked him so much at houston and then I went out with Brad and I was like, man forget about him, and that's when i realize, or thought I had, that I did not like my mexican lover anymore (haha, nice nickname) and everything was alright until he came, and with all his sweetness he saved me from the hole I was falling to, and he just showed me a whole new side of him, and..... ughhh, I DONT want to like him... it's so hard.

In a place like Mexico, where everyone is different from what I am used to, it's just, hard keeping your selfesteem, everyone makes me feel like this disgusting piece of fat. Either I am secure about myself or I won't be able to survive, it's hard to feel like I am pretty when everyone always looks for the best disguise ever, even HE has a pretty girlfriend, and I could NEVER live up to his expectations, everyone wants to date a model, and that's something that I just am not. It makes me sad to write about something like this, I know I am much more mature than that but it;s just something I can't help.

Well. it's getting late and I gots to go...

*~* I'm fEeLiNg...: confusedconfused
*+*~CuRrEnT JaM*+*~: i hate everything about you, why do I love you

new start Aug. 30th, 2005 @ 10:25 pm

Well.I just updated but i had to come back. I just realized that I have the greatest parents in the world, and the greatest guy friend in the world. I just talked to them after feeling like shit... I guess sometimes you just look at people and don't even know what's going inside. Well they made me feel a lot better, they just inspired me and they made me feel like things ARE possible and that I can actually get over things... I am always going to remember this,, and whenever I succeed, cuz I will, I will always remember this moment right now.. the way I feel. like I am a new person and like I have new inspirations. JAIME if your reading this, thank you so much, I love you to death and u have no idea how much it helped me to talk to you.

I am taking off to sleep and tomorrow I am starting with the right foot...

*~* I'm fEeLiNg...: determineddetermined
*+*~CuRrEnT JaM*+*~: No one knows what is like- limp bizkit

jUsT hErE... Aug. 22nd, 2005 @ 01:44 pm

Wow.. well today was the first day of school, They're showing a lot of videos on MTV that I used to watch so it makes me go back in time, it's kinda cool, because it reminds me of good old times. I was listening to Blink 182 I miss you, and it sort of inspired me and made me want to come write. I have little time so.. I'll just start. Since no one reads this anymore I gues I can write this freely, plus I don't care really.

Well, what can I say? I was so scared to go to school, I have very bad luck with first days of school, but today was very cool, everyone seemed happy to see me and I was happy to see them, I didn't feel like in an unknown person AT ALL, my class is mostly guys, and what's sad is that my friends from the class are all guys.. I know a few girls but I get along better with guys., but, it's all good since my visit to Houston showed me that guys are a LOT more loyal than girls, believe me!

Talking about Houston, I had a great time, it was very cool, sort of sad because I think I lost the friends I cried over the most, yeah here it goes.... MY MYSTERY TRIO it's all split , not only that, I think we changed a lot, I didn't talk to Jackie because she seemed not too interested so I didn't want to bother her. Kayla... well even though I though we were going to be best friends forever now I realize that it only exists on novels. She changed , so did I, but she just became a totally different person that at times I didn't know, and I hate to say it but I love my old kayla, I like kayla and I'm very happy for her because she seems way happier and more open which is awesome, but u know.. the things that made me love her so much are just not there anymore, I will still talk to her but she's just one friend.. what sucks is that I spent a whole fucking year crying over someone that didn't even exist anymore, and it just makes me mad in a way. At times she even hurt my feelings and there was a point where I just wanted to say "shut up, I can't take it anymore". I don't know...

So yeah.. that's how it is... it's sad, but true, all my girlfriends seem to have disappear, estefania doesn't like me, and most of them just have something that makes me want to stand back and feel so immature and little. Everyone seemed to move on and I just got stuck on them feeling bad because I wasn't with them and because I missed them, and they had a great part in my heart but I just vanished and it's like if I didn't exist anymore. I hate it because Kayla and Jackie were the only friends I wanted to have, here in Mexico I spent a deal of time thinking about them and wishing we'd spent more time together, and then I get here and they changed and I'm just the old silly, stupid me.

but.. haha.. there's a good part of the story... Brad, Gabriel, Adam, Cory, Kate and Rocio, my good ol buddies. Brad, whoa I had the greatest time ever with him at the movies (wink) I just... man... stayed in bliss for a whole week, and still am. He just reminded me of good old times and he made me feel very happy and forget about stuff that bothered me, he also made me forget about Jaime,hehe. I hope we still talk for a long time. The funny thing was that I called him whenever I got to Houston but since he didn't call back I thought he didn't want to hang out with me, but the thing was that his cell phone was broken and he had no way of getting my phone number which made me feel like merde but it was all good.

Gabriel.. man he got HOTT, lol, he did, and I had so much fun with him too, he's just same old Gabriel and he's still the sweet funny guy , it's funny because now he's friends with Brad and I'm just like, uh huh, that's wrong, cuz Gabriel was the one making me feel better whenever Brad broke up with me, and he was the one saying, he's fucked up, he's an asshole, and now it turns out they're friends...uh uh. Well it's all cool, that two of my best friends are good buddies, that's just really cool. Anyways, yeah, I had a great time with Gabriel too, and I'm looking forward to see him many times before I die, haha.

Cory, well, he's just a sweetheart, he's the only one that makes me feel that even if everyone stops talking to me, he's going to be there to make me feel better. Whenever I got to Houston he sent me a beautiful rose, which I thought was awesome, the time I spent with him was awesome and he's just a really cool guy that I care for a lot.

Kate and Rocio, well I didn't expect to have a good time with Rocio, but seeing her just made me thank my mother for making me stop talking to her, because otherwise I would be  in her intellectual level, I don't want to say she's stupid, but I would not wish to be a bit like her, I'm so much more mature and so much more conscious and much more of an individual that it makes me feel proud about myself. I'm so mean... Kate was the same good friend and she's such a nice person. I love her, and I thank her for just being there and keep the escence of what makes her so special.

Well, my laptop is running out of battery so I'll just wrap this up, big shoutout to everyone! I love y'all even if u betray me man!!

......love n peace.... lizzy

*~* I'm fEeLiNg...: accomplishedaccomplished
*+*~CuRrEnT JaM*+*~: Brad Paisley

Man he's hot May. 20th, 2005 @ 10:00 pm

DO GUYS KISS WITH NO REASON????????? MAN HE'S HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

I LOVE YOU MCJAMMER

*~* I'm fEeLiNg...: awakeawake
*+*~CuRrEnT JaM*+*~: hoho
Other entries
» I am...
You are PUNK! U like being around those who are really close to u. You get depressed most times but you just wanna live!You have alot of feelings and thoughts inside that you keep to yourself! sometimes you dont know who to trust. You have friends that believe in you and know the real you, which means the most. Thanks, please rate

» CATS

Well well well, I{m back again with my thousands of stories to tell. How about starting with my visit to Houston.Well what can I say, it was awesome!! sad in a way, and it was weird everything I was feeling. I felt like at one time it was normal for me to see all that, and this time it was like nothing belonged to me, and like once again I was just a foraigner. Man, it was hard, Mexico is pretty shitty if you compare it to Houston. I went shopping and I had my caramel frapuccino, yummie. It was really awesome. I think what made me the happiest was to see Kayla. She lost a LOT of weigtht, I think she gave it all to me, hehe. but I mean she was beautiful as always and as cool as always. It was funny, because we caught up like if we hadn't seen each other during the weekend, there was no awkwardness, that just shows that our friendship has just grown a lot stronger. Everything else was just like I though it would go. I was ...hoping, that I was going to go out with all my friends, and go to the marqe and watch movies, have fun and catch up qith everything that has been going on on the last 6 months,lol, but it didn't work that way, I guess it was my fault on one side, or maybe not too much interest from everybody like I had.

Well, I went to see THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA!!!! it kicks ass!! I am soooo in love with the play, I dream about it, I'm sooooo obsessed about it. Whenever the little tune started to play in the movie I felt like I was seriously going to faint,I felt like my heart was pumping so hard it was going to burst out of my  chest. It sounds silly and maybe a litlle corny, but I had never felt that with any other movie. I was SOOOO into the movie, it reminded me of sunshine(dibildox) at some points , but the movies was so damn good. I was fascinated. I as really obssessed with plays now, I want to go to Houston to watch Les Miserables, it comes from BROADWAY!!! c'mon, that would never come to S:LP, but I want to watch it really bad.

A crazy thought?, when I grow up I would like to be a showgirl, you know, like kinda those mermaids that dance at Las Vegas, or one of those like from Cicero from Chicago.. That is a wild dream, but I've come to realize that my only talent is dancing, I know a little bit from everything, but let's be honest I suck at everything. I'm no good. but dancing, man, that just pays it all off. I mean, my parents make fun of me, but in a way it scares them hear that I hat Musical Theatre, I hate the teacher some of the dances, the divas and divos that are in there, but whenever I go on stage, even if they're too uncultural to not appreciate, that it just  a big reward, I love getting heavy make up, the fancy dresses, dancing in front of everybody, in a way, I'm much more confident and it doesn't scare me anymore to stand infront of a public in any occasion. I love it!!

Well enough about that. let's change to a sadder subject like always... sunshine, parents, school.    Hmm.. my parents have been a little bitchy during the last days, they make fun of me because of everything, and I just fucking hate it sooo bad, I hate the way the act more immature than me at times, I HATE IT!!! I hate to feel like this, but they just don't know, actually they do know, how mad it makes me that they do that. I hate the fucking house we're living at right now, I barely have a place to sleep at, everything is a mess, and I just can't help it but cursing everytime I go into that house. On the other sad hand, Christian, sunshine's friend, finally told me what I had wanting everybody to tell me on my fuking face, he finally told me that seriously he thought Dibildox was never going to like me, he said it was sad the way he hurt me and the way I was giving every single little thing of me to him. Peña finally said he tought so too, and I just thanked both of them for being honest about it. No questions about why they thought that, I think I already know it, and I've been going against it since I met  him, I've just ignored it, truth hurst , hell yeah, but I'm just tired of fooling myself, I know myself, I know dibildox, I know his dark side too, but I've just covered it with all the extra good things he has on his favor.

Today, sadly I'm going to watch him play on his little band, that sadly they kick ass, and I'm just like the christine (from the phantom) thaat everytime I hear him he hipnotizes me, damn him.

Well, another good new, I'm a cheerleader, like the captain or something like that. Plus they chose me to be on ....CATS.... evryone on musical theatre wants to be on cats, it's sooo awesome, and Jorge chose MEEEE, MEEOOW, lol. I am so excited, I get to dance with the one that have been there for years,and who dance awesome. yay for me...

Well, I have to go, my tummy really hurts, I think I have that disease that ends on ccios, lol, well gots to go, luv ya!! and hate ya at the same time...

LIZZY

 


» this is my luv


» Long Weekend

Well, today was pretty good, specially cuz I talked to Dibildox!! I talk to him more and more everyday, he´s so hot and so perfect and I´m falling for him faster than I could imagine. I like everysingle thing from him.

Well I sit infront of him and ANy lu and Peña made it more and more ovious that I like him, we planned to go to Peñas house and we would watch a movie, but the plan was that any lu would make out with Peña and I would make out with DIbildox, but I ended up being a chicken and not going because I felt it was going too quickly, and I like him so freaking much that I don´t want to mess up anything. Man , I like him so much, I promise he´s so perfect.

OMG!!! I¨m talking to billy right now...lol, aw he just told me I´m muy bonita. I luv that guy. Neways.... yeah I ended up not going because I don´t know.. I thought he was hesitating but he ended up going and he was all alone.

Well yesterday we celebrated day of dead people, because halloween is like prohibited here, lol. BUt it was pretty cool, we made this altar and I took pics and everything which I´ll post in here later.

There´s this guy named Coy and I spent so much time with him yesterday, I don´t like him but it´s weird because I luv being with him, and yesterday we were like hugging each other and we even held hands at one point. He was being so sweet yesterday, but.... he told me I reminded him of his girlfriend, so that´s a problem right there. I think I messed up because some of dibildox´s friends saw me, and they´re very gossip spreaders, lol It was really cool.

Oh gosh there´s so much stuff I want to write about. Well Coy didn´t talk to me that much today, which I hate from guys, that they´re so sweet and one moment and then poof, they changed. I knew it was going to happen.

Last weekend I went to present this show, and it was pretty cool. I loved the experience, and now that I remember, dibildox only talked to me to tell me to go lay on his bed...hmm.

Well, lately I talk to him more and more, and I think it´s even easier now that he kinda knows that I like him, because I don´t pretend as much and I can feel much more free. OMG I LOKE HIM SO MUCH.

He´s got this green big eyes that just like stare deep into you, and this little mouth that I just want to kiss. His cheeks are so adorable and he´s got this amazing hair. He´s tall and he´s got a great smile, and I just like him so much. I love the way he takes control of things, and how he´s never sad , he gets a little moody but most of the time he´s being goofy and he´s so nice!!!! I don´t know, I luv the way he is.

I think I became very NOT shallow, like I don´t go for appearance anymore, it´s weird, even though Dibildox is the hottest man alive, what I luv the most about him is the way he is, and I´m very attracted by Coy´s personality, but DIbildox cannot be replaced, lol

Well, hi to everyone, I luv u and today hopefully I´ll go get drunk and club all night, oh yeah baby. BE GOOD!!!

luv always...lizzy

 

 


» School

I'm listening to an AWESOME song in spanish, I luv mexican rock!!!!

HAPPY BDAY KITTY!!!!

Well yesterday I went to a party of my classroom. It was awesome! DIblidox was there. and omgh omg omg he{s so hot and we talked and he's so cool. His friend asked me if I liked Diblidox becaus I looked at him all dreamy....lol that's funny. but I confessed to him that I do, which sux because now he's going to know. =(.

I kissed him!! lol but on the cheek, when I said goodbye, I'm such a dork.

Anyways... I have a shit load of homework, shcool is so hard, ok this is what happened with my last project , I didn't go to sleep until 3 in the morning doing it. I woke up at 5 and then whenever I turned it in, the teacher started checking one by one and u know what he did? he saw the first page, a word spelled wrong or a wrong comma or a wrong accent, he crossed it and kept going on with the next on ,that easy!!!! he gave me a zero because I didn't have the freaking bibliography. Neways, he zeroed averyone but 3 people. Then he said he was going to give us another chance but for every error he was going to reduce one point for each error in our final grade. So yeah... I hope I{m not screwed.

neways... yeah the party was fun, I dressed all pink, kayla would have been so proud of me! lol.

Well gotta finish homework, i luv you!!! there was no school today!


Top of Page Powered by LiveJournal.com